Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Bad

By Aqua Catlin

OopsiDais, thought I'd posted on Thursday but I hadn't. Now I'm in trouble with my Editor. But I like it. (Rant all you want Fre-fre. Just makes me feel wanted.) So we're swapping post-days and you'll see his on Thursday.

I've been wondering what to post about, (it was requested that I review Bruno and would love to thanks but I can't step on toes: did y'all know Frederik reviews films too), and during this process it occurred to me, not for the first time, that there's not much that's more narcissistic than blogging. Perhaps with the exception of being an author, but not necessarily. Bloggers actually think their opinion deserves the time to be written and published, not just opined. But, our blog, or, "commentary" IS special and changing the world.

On this note, naturally, I want more response from you. And I finally figured out, I have to go bad. I've been avoiding it but people respond to negativity, bad news, judgments and gossip more than good news reviews and rose-colored Prada sunglasses, though I'm the type who giddily shares whatever pleases me with whoever will listen. But I did promise to judge and loot those who offend my eyes, here and I intend to make it happen now. Only in the Interest of Social Studies for the Betterment of our World for the Pleasure Our Eyes.

Disclaimer. There is offensive language below. And Fashionoclast is about marching to your own drum, taking some risks and wearing what you want with pride. But not everyone should be allowed to! What's wrong with being as perfect as you can or trying to? Not perfect of course, but as perfect as poss. A lil' fabulosity is life well lived. Though Frederik is furious with me. He thinks I'm sexist, I'm not, I'm commenting about taste. My taste. Wear your jewelry, Men, ignore me!

Ok then I'll start off with the easy ones and Backlash, I'll deal with you later. I know you love it, Sickos... And we're all in the list somewhere.

- Fanny-pax (can't even bear to write it). How could you? (And P, traveling is no excuse - there is no excuse.) Vom!
- Men in shorts with their socks pulled up. eew.
- Men in socks, in sandals. You're missing the point, do you understand that? (I'm sorry, T!)
- Women who eat whatever they want ( I'm jealous), look like it and dress like it: perhaps with two clashing, mis-matched prints. WHAT? yuck.
Don't you have eyes?

(Gosh, this is
so unfabulous, its making me feel icky having to think of this.)

- Men in oversize clothes. Why? You look like a slob and you look like you smell like one too. Where's your desire to impress at least yourself.
- Ugg boots. They're just cold weather slippers, wake up. You wear them to go outside and feed the sheep they came from,
in winter at 5am on the farm.
- Men outside with big bellies and no shirts. Typically seen with unkempt hair. Truly you lack dignity.
- Toe socks. They are Disgusting.
- Women who mix warm and cool makeup. Are you blind?
- Oh! Women without mascara.
What are you doing, Sweetheart?
- Steve Madden, you bastard.
- Jeans from 2000 or before. Yikes. If you don't like to shop just go online for god's sake.
- [Straight] Men in jewelry. I'm sorry but if you were meant to be adorned you'd have been born a girl. Tribal chunky, raw jewelry worn to show manly status may be the exception, if there is one..
- Comb-overs. Duh. Just work the sexy bald, Silly!
- Blokes with long hair. Do you want us to braid it for you? What is that? I don't care if you think you're ego is up in that mess, its not.
- Ski jackets and wind-cheaters in summer. Please. What are you doing?
- Just going to throw this in: Guys who order "expresso" when they mean "espresso". Awkward!
- My own white legs. Please. TAN.
- Pants too short. They're s'posed to come to the foot, not the ankle, Honey.
- The final and worst possible thing to lay your eyes upon: jeans and athletic sneakers. (Tourists are forgiven because they have limited options.) Vom-vom.

Right, well that's about all I can handle and I'm about to be fired from the blog for it. But before you say goodbye:

Can we add to this list? What do you hate to see? We're better than those people we're judging, so let's get it out. What hurts your eyes? Is there something that turns your tum?

(I feel terrible. )This is to make our world better. Comment below and tell me what troubles you.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Socks, sandals and Mom jeans: till death do we part.

Aqua Catlin said...

That's ok, I'll love you anyway. Plus without bad, there can be no good.

Frederik Sisa said...

My, my. Such caterwauling.

But I'll add to it.

Peep toes. Good for feet after Chinese-style foot binding, but that's about it. IMHO, of course.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! As a bald man, I agree.. the comb over look is ridiculous. Let it 'shine', shave the head also if that helps. Great article. Continued Success!! Anonymous Amro!

Anonymous said...

Honestly cruel and hilarious!!!

jason said...

I don't like those round bottomed shoes some girls are wearing, please, just walk faster in cute trainers if you want toned gams!! :)

Benn Muesli O said...

What about jeans rolled up one notch and leather boat shoes?? My fave.

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